Low libido is one of the most common complaints that I see in my clinical practice. Which should bring some comfort to you reading this post. Why are so many people (men and women) plagued with this? Especially if you are in a coupled relationship, low libido for one partner and a high libido for another can put a tremendous amount of stress and strain on individuals and the relationship. One person feels like the nag and the other feels like the gatekeeper; both feel guilt, shame, and sadness. 

Like most things in life, there is no simple answer here. Oh, how I wish there were a simple answer here! The process for us to determine the cause and the course of action isn’t terribly difficult. It does take time, patience (for yourself, for your partner, and for the methods), and a willingness to explore. 

First, we will do a careful assessment of what may have or might be contributing to the lack of drive or desire. Is there a past trauma (big or small) that keeps coming up for you and you don’t realize its impact? Have you explored a medical reason (hormones, medication being taken) that could contribute? Feelings of guilt and shame around low desire? Guilt and shame are a real mood-killer! 

What messages float around in your head when you think about sex? Some of these can be instilled when you were a kid growing up, social and cultural cues about wanting sex can really be a deterrent to allowing yourself to want and enjoy pleasure.

One of the big issues and challenges is stress! I love the saying “Does a fish know they live in water”? You may not realize how stressed out you are when you are neck-deep in it. Unfortunately, most of us are overworked and underpaid. Maybe you have two jobs? Maybe you are working a full-time job and going to school in the evenings? Maybe you have kids and activities and responsibilities after working a long day at the office and don’t come home until 8 pm and you are having to figure out what’s for dinner because you are not going to eat out of your car for the third night in a row (I can say this because I’ve been there and done that). 

It’s hard to tap into your sexy-time-sex-god(dess) when you are exhausted and all you want to do is get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep before you must do it again the next day. Honestly, I don’t know how we do it all. I guess, some of us can and some of us can’t and that is okay. Maybe there is pain (physical and or emotional) when you have intercourse, and if so, why? 

These are the questions we will figure out during our work together. Once we untangle the issues, we can then determine a treatment plan. I like to think of tangled and knotted necklaces. They can be untangled and worn again, we just must have the patience and determination to figure out which one is supposed to go where, and we are on our way. 

Low libido or low desire doesn’t have to last a lifetime. I look forward to untangling the issues and helping you find the solution you are looking for and to re-tap into that sexy-time-sex god(dess) again. 

How to Address Low Libido