How High-Demand Religion Can Impact Your Relationship with Sexuality
Many people who grew up in high-demand religious environments find themselves struggling with their sexuality later in life—and often, they don’t fully understand why. If you’re one of them, you’re not alone. The messages we internalize in childhood about our bodies, desires, gender, and worth can deeply shape our relationship with sexuality well into adulthood.
This post explores how growing up in a high-demand religion can affect your sexual development, sense of identity, and ability to form healthy, fulfilling sexual relationships.
Sexual Autonomy is Suppressed
High-demand religions often enforce strict rules around sexual behavior. These might include:
Sex is only acceptable within heterosexual marriage.
Masturbation is a sin.
Even sexual thoughts are considered impure or dangerous.
When autonomy is denied—when you're told your body and desires must be controlled or denied—it becomes difficult to trust yourself or feel safe in your own sexuality. Over time, this can lead to anxiety, sexual dysfunction, or a complete disconnect from sexual desire.
2. Shame Becomes Embedded
Sexual shame is a cornerstone of many high-demand religious teachings. You may have learned that your desires were wrong, dirty, or harmful. Women are often burdened with being the “gatekeepers” of purity, while men are told their urges are dangerous or uncontrollable.
As adults, this shame can manifest in many ways:
Guilt after sexual activity—even when it’s consensual and wanted.
Feelings of disgust toward one’s own body or pleasure.
Avoidance of sex altogether.
Shame is not an effective teacher. It doesn’t prevent “sin”—it just wounds our ability to feel whole and connected.
3. Rigid Gender and Sexuality Norms
Many high-demand religions present a narrow and binary view of gender and sexuality. This includes:
Men as assertive, sexual leaders.
Women as modest, passive, and emotionally driven.
A complete rejection of LGBTQIA+ identities and non-monogamous relationships.
If your authentic self doesn’t fit within those lines, you might grow up believing something is fundamentally wrong with you. People who identify as queer, gender-diverse, or sexually expansive often carry the added burden of internalized rejection, fear, or invisibility.
4. Lack of Comprehensive Sex Education
Instead of providing honest, science-based sex education, high-demand religious environments often promote:
Abstinence-only messaging.
Fear-based narratives about sexuality and relationships.
A complete omission of topics like consent, anatomy, pleasure, or LGBTQ+ identity.
This can leave adults confused or anxious about how sex actually works—not just physically, but relationally and emotionally. Many clients share that they entered adulthood knowing how to avoid sex, but not how to experience it safely and joyfully.
5. Religious Sexual Trauma is Real
Unfortunately, some people also experience direct sexual abuse within religious institutions or families—and are then silenced by the same systems that claim to protect them. Even without abuse, the emotional and psychological impact of religious sexual messaging can be traumatic.
Trauma responses may include:
Difficulty trusting others in intimate relationships.
Dissociation during sex.
Body-based memories or discomfort that seem disconnected from the present.
When trauma is spiritual in nature, healing requires addressing not just the physical or emotional wounds, but also the moral injury and betrayal that come with it.
6. Reclaiming Sexuality Takes Time—And Is Worth It
Leaving a high-demand religion doesn’t mean the story ends. In many ways, that’s when the real healing begins. It often involves:
Deconstructing what you were taught.
Reclaiming your body and pleasure on your terms.
Redefining your values around sex, identity, and relationships.
This process can be painful and liberating at the same time. Therapy can offer a safe, affirming space to explore your questions, grief, hopes, and desires as you build a new relationship with your sexuality—one rooted in consent, wholeness, and joy.
Final thoughts: If any of this resonates with you, know this: you’re not broken. You were shaped by an environment that may have stifled your growth—but you have the right to unlearn, to explore, and to reclaim. Healing is possible, and you don’t have to walk that path alone.